Hello. Welcome one, welcome all. I have had such an uneventful week, that I considered sending you a message saying that I was far too busy doing deep government things and making important government phone calls from my bedroom to send in a blog. But then I thought that there may be a lot of people out there who have seen me walking by the sea, reading books, having coffee with my family and, having at least half a brain cell on the go, they would realise that this would be a big fat lie and I would be found out almost immediately. Dominic Raab, I salute you for having such immense amounts of (admittedly misguided) confidence in yourself that you thought you might get away with this nonsense. Still, not to worry eh? No-one is going to ask you to resign or anything honourable like that. No-one resigns from this government. That’s how it works when the Prime Minister has appointed on loyalty rather than competence. You end up with a gang of no-hopers that cannot be shifted because they all have highly detailed maps of where all the bodies are buried and they hold signed promises of riches beyond their wildest dreams if they would just back the Blond Bombshell in his march to greatness.
Sorry, I’m not sure where that came from, I have had a niggly week. Do you have niggly weeks? I hesitate to even mention it because I am not from Afghanistan or Haiti or even Keyham in Plymouth but there it is.
I had a nice weekend. FOW2 came to visit so that was nice. As an act of outstanding generosity, I allowed her to watch Love Island. Well, there’s an eye-opener. I have never seen anything like it. I think FOW2 was aware of that because, at one point, without turning round, she said. “Close your mouth Mother. It’s not for you.” Which, of course it isn’t. Apart from the ritual humiliation, the pairing people up, the spending the whole day in bikinis, it’s the lips that I don’t get. I have old lady lips now. they appear to be disappearing back into my mouth like Kenneth Brannagh’s. But these young women have perfectly good, normal lips, then they inject things into them (I suppose they do, I wouldn’t claim to be an expert) until they look like Tom from Tom and Jerry used to look when he got his head stuck in a bees’ nest. (Can I just say that I will truck no criticism of Kenneth Brannagh who is wildly attractive for a man with no lips). What are we doing to the young people? It can be quite dispiriting. SO…reasons to be cheerful.
- Ruby Wax is back on the telly tonight. The documentaries are repeats but she is brilliant. Did I ever tell you that we saw he live once. Stand up. (Kids roll eyes and say “Yes, you did tell us”). She was very funny. And Alan Rickman was in the audience. What a way to live. Carrie Fisher is on it tonight. Roll on.
- It’s been a jolly nice day weather-wise and we made it down to the sea (approximately 15 minutes away) without it raining. Apparently, next week is going to be nice but I don’t know about you – I can smell Autumn in the air. I don’t mind that but there are a lot of people making people’s lives in Devon and Cornwall a misery because the weather is not up to the standard in Morocco. Pshaw! And, while we are at it. It is NOT a “Staycation” to have a holiday in the UK. That is what is known as a “holiday”. A staycation is when you have a week off work and paint a shelf or clean out the salad drawer or lie on the settee watching three Marvel movies a day. (I believe). And let’s not start on HOLIBOBS shall we?
- I have taped The Lady Vanishes (Margaret Lockwood version. Is there any other?) for my personal use, later on in the week when HOH is working late. Who says I lack ambition? STOP PRESS – apparently we don’t “tape” things now. There you go again, mixing me up with someone who is bothered.
- My Boob squeeze came back clear.
5. I read a book I really liked. It’s a murder mystery. Uncomplicated and easy to understand, that’s the kind of thing I am up for now. It’s harder to write than it looks I think.
So, see, I can do it when I want to – cheer up that is.
In the words of CS Lewis “We are what we believe we are.” So I’m going to believe that I am a cheerful person in the face of adversity – not mine – other people’s – which, I’ll be honest diminishes me a bit but that’s all I have today and, in the words of the Instagram influencers “I am enough”. (Which I am obviously not but God is and he likes me and is very much on my side for reasons that only he knows and that, I think, is more than enough).