The President is Missing

The President is Missing – A Novel by Bill Clinton and James Patterson

Apologies for Morecambe photobombing the photo. Also apologies for tissues. Am as close to death’s door as a cold can take you.

I think it may be helpful to sing the tune to Mission Impossible in your head while you read my review. Actually, feel free to sing it out loud if you want to – so long as you are not in public toilets or a doctor’s waiting room or something. Also – this review is borderline spoilery – you have been warned.

“Dum, dum, dum, dum-dum, dum dum, dum, dum, dum dum dum, dum dum dum dum – digulee, digulee, digulee – DUM DUM!”

The President is acting weird! He’s about to be impeached for acting weird! Nobody knows why he’s acting weird. Obviously, it’s because the whole of America is in DANGER!

“Dum, dum, dum, dum-dum, dum dum, dum, dum, dum dum dum, dum dum dum dum – digulee, digulee, digulee – DUM DUM!”

He knows about a terrible thing that will happen. Only he knows. Well only him and a few trusted aides. These aides are totally loyal and trustworthy – apart from one who is a JUDAS!

“Dum, dum, dum, dum-dum, dum dum, dum, dum, dum dum dum, dum dum dum dum – digulee, digulee, digulee – DUM DUM!”

So the President has to go it alone. He has to disappear. He can trust no-one. What can he do? Fortunately he has his physical beauty to sustain him. He is ex military – a hero and a leader, a sportsman and he is a grieving widower. He dyes his beard. He is in disguise. He retreats to a handy one hundred million acre estate with full Secret Service cover. He is not quite as alone as we were led to believe. Hurrah!

“Dum, dum, dum, dum-dum, dum dum, dum, dum, dum dum dum, dum dum dum dum – digulee, digulee, digulee – DUM DUM!”

He is persued by a beautiful and mysterious assasin. She blows people’s brains out whilst listening to classical music and somewhere across the world a fundamentalist terrorist with cold eyes and warm prostitutes is planning the downfall of Capitalist America.

“Dum, dum, dum, dum-dum, dum dum, dum, dum, dum dum dum, dum dum dum dum – digulee, digulee, digulee – DUM DUM!”

So what terrible thing is planned for America? (It’s a bit complicated and, to be honest, not riveting but it is indeed a terrible thing) Who will turn out to be the traitor? (Actually – it’s exactly who it usually turns out to be if you follow my Midsomer Murders rules of the game). The clock is literally ticking. Will the President and his handily placed gang of computer scientists manage to save America and see that the bad guys get what’s coming to them? What do you think?

“Dum, dum, dum, dum-dum, dum dum, dum, dum, dum dum dum, dum dum dum dum – digulee, digulee, digulee – DUM DUM!”

Look – it does exactly as you expect. I read it in two sittings and had a flippin good time. Knock yourselves out.

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4 Comments

  1. March 15, 2019 / 9:06 am

    It all sounds a bit James Bond/dated. no? I kept waiting to hear that the man with the metal teeth was part of it. Or the cat.

    • lesleyps91
      Author
      March 15, 2019 / 5:43 pm

      Well there is Russian involvement in the plot!

  2. March 15, 2019 / 11:08 am

    I read it last summer – it’s surprisingly contemporary – and I suspect it will enbd up as a film before too long. Not sure who will play the part of the President though.
    I hope the cold departs soon xx

    • lesleyps91
      Author
      March 15, 2019 / 5:42 pm

      Absolutely – I’m thinking Ryan Reynolds

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