Not Quite Me

A quiet weekend. We are recovering from the Beast from the East (Can I just say – stop naming the weather!! Flippin pointless exercise! Why would a storm be called “Emma”? Just stop it now!) Sorry.

So we stayed in most of Saturday because HOH has hurt his back. I wish I could say it was lifting an elderly person from a dangerous fall and back into bed but he did it lifting a bag of coal. (Shakes fist at snow laden sky. Weather – what have you done to us?) So I made my own entertainment with Cary Grant and Rosalind Russell as well as magazines and chocolate. I have had worse days I can tell you.

Anyway, onward.

Watch your step when you enter God’s house.
    Enter to learn. That’s far better than mindlessly offering a sacrifice,
        Doing more harm than good.

Don’t shoot off your mouth, or speak before you think.
Don’t be too quick to tell God what you think he wants to hear.
God’s in charge, not you—the less you speak, the better.

Overwork makes for restless sleep.
Overtalk shows you up as a fool.

 

This is from Ecclesiastes. We have been looking at it at the C of E. It’s been very good but for me these few verses are developing into a bit of a revelation. At many times in my life I have wanted to be someone else. At the moment, it is usually Joanna Lumley but sometimes it is Diane Keaton. Occasionally, it is the lady on YouTube who can make nicely risen muffins (why do I find them so difficult)?

If I ever wanted someone to describe me and what I was like it would be the person above. Someone who goes to church to listen and to learn – not to make my mark. Has the confidence and self -possession to not speak unless it is necessary – especially to God. A person who has nothing to prove – especially to God. Someone, who knows that God is in charge and is also confident that God has their best interests at heart – not because of anything that I have done to deserve it but because of who God is. I would like to be a person who has full confidence in the work of grace.

I would like to be someone who doesn’t need to feel she has to work and work to hit targets, or to be admired for exceeding targets. To not be afraid to make mistakes – because everyone makes mistakes. Or at least not to beat myself up about them forever – or allow anyone else to do so. Because my mistakes are no surprise to the God who knew about them before I knew about him.

Because, overwork does make for restless sleep. And , if the God of all doesn’t put the pressure on me to do everything perfectly then I have no right to allow anyone else to have that power over me. To be someone who has few hang-ups about herself and the mark she is making because it really doesn’t matter in the end. Because this girl would be safe and secure. She would know who she is and who dwelt in her day to day and it would be more than enough – for anyone.

This person would not be afraid to be quiet and to listen to the Great Teacher because how cool is it that He would want to teach me? Less talking – more listening. Less worrying what people think about me and settling into what God thinks about me – despite knowing all about what I am capable of. I need, more and more to be quiet and be who I am

To believe and to consent to be loved is the great secret. WR Newell

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