Dark/Dawn Type Musing

It may be the time of year but I am developing an unhealthy addiction to TED talks. If you are unaware of the existence of TED Talks, they are a non profit that shares ideas in little videos on the You-Tube. The talks seem to range from eminently sensible and helpful to completely preposterous. S’up to you which ones you watch. I can usually judge my mood and the quality of my life at this moment by the Ted Talks I have watched. This morning, the dog decided that 5am was a perfectly serviceable time to get up so, as it was my turn, I took one for the team and settled down with him on the settee. (I would just like to throw a question to Morecambe about yesterday, which was pre-agreed as HOH’s turn – Why was 8.35 the time that Morecambe decided that he would like some company? THREE HOURS LATER?And why 5am for me? That dog has favourites)

This morning I watched talks on “Getting unstuck in your life.”, “Function forward through depression.” and “How to not feel that everything is pointless” (I can feel that things are very bleak when I am only on four and a half hours’ sleep)

I’m just putting something out there about prayer which, I think, is the recommended solution for getting unstuck in life; at least for those of us of a Christian type persuasion. I don’t know if you have found this but I am hoping it is true. Have you prayed for something to become unstuck – something really tough to deal with and found that when things started to change – they became much worse? Is it just me? Without too much detail – not mine to share and all that – we have an elderly relative (cough) who can be quite high maintenance and, as Billy Crystal says – she is the worst kind of high maintenance because she thinks she is low maintenance.  We have prayed about it for a long time now, and over Christmas, the whole thing changed – it got spectacularly worse. Anyone who has cared for an elderly person can probably have a stab at the kinds of things we are talking about. Like most people, I have multiple strands of things I would really like to see God intervene in and sometimes the hoped for solution just crumbles in my hand.

I wonder if things have to sometimes be shaken and loosened to allow change and growth. When I was a young lass, we used to have an Belfast sink in the back garden. The idea was that one day we would plant up various lovely bulbs in it and be groovy. In the olden days, we would get cold winters and the water would freeze over. It would be rock solid until you hit it with something, then it would shatter and you could see all the water underneath. It was messy but I could pick out all the ice and clear things out. (When you are eight – these kinds of things are very important) People sometimes have a saying that things have to get worse before they get better. (Aged Parent has her own version of this – Things have to get worse.) So I wonder if God sometimes stirs the water before he stills it. Do things have to shaken hard before they get sorted. So  you/I are panicking because after praying, you sometimes wonder if you should have bothered. I wonder if Mary and Martha – were entirely certain that putting all that trust in Jesus when their brother was so ill – rather than leeches or  wet fish poultices are whatever – was entirely wise. Because he delayed and delayed and things got worse.They got about as bad as they can get because Lazarus died. We are all cocky about the miracle now because we know the ending – they didn’t know. They knew Jesus could do stuff – “If you had been here he wouldn’t have died” They didn’t know quite what he could do and they could only find out because of how much worse it got.

It’s a waiting game I am finding. A keeping pushing God kind of thing. An “expecty” despite appearances thing. I’m praying for the grace to keep pushing till he sorts it.

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4 Comments

  1. January 22, 2018 / 7:48 am

    Here are some questions that may or may not be helpful. The bad things that have got worse — to what extent to they belong to your life and to what extent do they being to hers? Are there some boundaries that should be in place and have got eroded or ignored? Might you need to be willing to allow the consequences of her choices stay in her life rather than being tossed over the fence into yours? Are there things you care about and she doesn’t that you are struggling to keep in place in her life as well as in yours? Are there needs to be met and gaps to be filled in her life that are real but not your responsibility? What is the difference between offering help and encouraging dependancy? In your life, your rules apply; what is the difference between respectfully offering help and channeling someone else’s agenda? What are the necessities of life (eg food, warmth, companionship, cleanliness) for which it is reasonable to accept people need help in old age? Where do the boundary lines le between this and being selfish and demanding?
    Is that helpful. I hope so. My humble apologies if it isn’t. I also have an aged parent. Confession: I have had to delegate her care to my husband . . .

    • lesleyps91
      Author
      January 22, 2018 / 8:37 pm

      50 times yes!

  2. January 23, 2018 / 1:11 pm

    I (like many) are in a similar situation, I guess, and am emerging from about 6 years of guilt and rage and duty and resentment and fury, so much so that it was overwhelming my love for my parents, and my father, widowed 2 years ago.
    One thing I do now is to take what he says at face value, and not respond to hints. While he is still able and mobile (and going on cruises and holidays every other month, I might add!) is to encourage him, or make him, or leave him to get on with it. He might be 89 but if he can get himself to the bridge club or to a Vienna River Cruise he can get himself to the shops and buy his own bananas, for example! So my likely reply to a plaintive ‘I seem to have run out of milk’ is ‘are you going to get some from the Co-op on your way to bridge?
    Now that our lives have disentangled themselves, and I as much my husband’s wife or even a person in my own right as I am his daughter, things are easing.
    As they will for you,.. meanwhile, I am praying. Hard. For all of you.

    • lesleyps91
      Author
      January 24, 2018 / 9:33 pm

      Hello. Thank you for this. It has been so good to hear from people who have these concerns. Has helped a lot with the guilt

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