This week I will be mostly
- Rooting round the bottom of wardrobes to find presents that I cunningly bought ahead and have now lost.
- Trying to keep patient with old ladies who cannot believe that we don’t run a bus to visit the pub on Christmas morning
- Washing the back of my eyes out to try and rid myself of the picture of Sir Alec Ferguson coming down a long staircase at the BBC Sports Personality of the Year Awards, while Russell Watson sings “To Dream The Impossible Dream.” *Rubs eyes hard* Nope – can still see it.
- Wondering if it is ever acceptable to not wrap presents. Surely more environmentally friendly?
- Getting snotty when Mums on Facebook who have a month of exciting Advent activities for their children are making me weep with inferiority.
- Trying not to get to upset over Syrian children in that horrific winter and also that video on You Tube of the abandoned puppy running after the car that it had just been chucked out of. As you can see, my priorities are expertly balanced.
- Re above – what is the matter with everybody?
- Re above and the above that – Am having unsavoury fantasies re puppy abandoners, Syrian generals on both sides and big stick with a nail in it. Am aware that this is probably NOT what Jesus would do. Probably.
- Re above and above etc etc. Think I am very tired
Am working on personal theory that God invented Christmas to save the world and then decided to put it in winter to try and cheer me up a bit. You may feel that this is a little ME-centric and you could be right I suppose. It is working for me at the moment though. As is kids assuring me that twenty and seventeen is too old to be making snowflake cut outs and they would rather watch Die Hard and run informal yet somehow quite aggressive competition to force as many Ferero Rochers into their mouths as possible. Not much like The Waltons. Funnier though.